Cap Thieves

Over at the store down the street in the downtown area we noticed something strange. Someone stole just the cap of this here beverage. After further investigation we found out that this theft was a common occurrence. Just about every week the employees find a drink with a missing cap. Usually it’s sitting in the coolers with all the other drinks but sometimes they find them around the store.

It always seems to be the either a Lipton tea or one of those Nantucket Nectars. We have enjoyed both of those drinks lately. There is nothing special under those caps. We could understand if the stolen caps where coming from a Snapple. We all know that under those caps lies an interesting message. So stealing those caps would make a little more sense.

Perhaps it’s a prank but usually when one pranks they like to be around and see the outcome. We’ve been told that every now and then an unsuspecting customer will grab an uncapped tea and spill it on themselves but no one is around to see it happen.

So what’s up with this?

Colon Flavor? Ew

So we got Kool Aid, Flavor Aid, lemonade, cherryade and so on. Now we have Colonaide.  Now usually the first part of the name denotes the flavor or at least a clue of what it will taste like.

After a closer look at this package we noticed that nothing states the flavor. So it must be colon flavored, right? Perhaps. Maybe they chose the name because it help out your colon. I mean Gatorade doesn’t really taste like an alligator does it? I guess it’s better than jumping on the 3D bandwagon.

Its just an odd choice for the product name. Also this is now on clearance at the drug store so we were not the only one to look at and said “ew”.

So tell us, does the name of odd drinks help you understand the flavor?

Need energy?

After one of our bloggers posted a link to www.stevenseagal.com and told everyone that it’s “Your one stop shop for bad. Bad acting, bad music, bad clothing and even bad energy drinks.” It refreshed our bowls about a past post. A post that dated back to August 2008. After a little digging it was found and here it is resurrected for you reading enjoyment

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Redbull gives you wings.
Rockstar makes you party like one.
Monster releases the “monster” in you.

Steven Seaguls Lighting bolt? Well I guess makes you:
Act poorly
Squint your eyes
Eat everything in sight

No thanks Steven

R.I.P. Restroom Vending Machines

Remember the days when you would go into a public restroom and come out refreshed armed with temporary tattoos, pocket sized glow stick and a couple tylenols? It seems that those days are over but some places help us remember.

So there I was in my local KFC. I just downed a double down and suddenly felt the urge to purge. After I washed up I noticed this vintage vending machine in the mirror. My eyes went immediately to the three option at the bottom. As I decided between the glowsticks, temporary tattoos and the extra strength Tylenol I grabbed four quarters out of my pocket. To my surprise the coin slot had tape over it, tape that was holding up the ad for fresh KFC cookies.

Why tape over it and get people hopes up? It would have been more effective to rip the machine off the wall and just tape a bigger ad over the holes in the wall.

ENTER, The Drug Store Dildo

Great news everybody! The drug stores now sell sex toys. It started first with those vibrating condoms then the flavor lube and now behold a dildo. It goes for about $20. Here’s what duress says about it:

Play Allure is an innovative personal massager designed for pure sensual pleasure.  Featuring multi-speed power settings, whisper quiet vibrations can be adjusted from powerful to feather-light to suit your mood.  With a sleek and smooth elegant design, you can experiment with a variety of sensations for an exhilarating intimate experience.

There must have been a demand for a product like this to carried in a local retail store. No longer will people have to go to an adult store towns away so friends and family don’t see them exiting the store with a brown paper bag. No more having to buy online and wait for that non discreet package to arrive in the mail. Come to think of it, those non discreet packages that come in the mail are a little to non discreet, they can easily be open by your special someone thinking it was something completely different.

I just can’t wait to hear the complaints from customers after their small children pick up the box and ask mom what it is. It’s bad enough that the family planning section in most store is usually filled with giggling teens..this should really send them over the edge.

I wonder when we will see a toy for the men?

Wash Your Hands, They Are Watching You

I have no fear using a public restroom. Well, most of the time. I took a trip to the mall the other day and as I briskly walked down a hallway towards the restroom I abruptly stopped. Is that the best stop to place a sign stating that there are security cameras in use? This sign could have easily been placed at the beginning of the hallway. Perhaps even a different icon for the camera. I mean it’s pointing in the same direction as the arrow for the restrooms.

Regardless I still used the restroom, with a smile.

A Lost Note

I’m not sure if this a list or a note. Maybe it’s just gibberish. Either way a coworker and I stared at it for a bit and we where both just stumped. This note was brought to me after it was found behind a display at drug store during some cleaning. Here’s the translation that we came up with.

“You use it before Matthew Spitznaget (last name?) Put me in to Dumpster St. at Office Depot store”

What the hell does that mean?

Flushable Toilet Paper

Really? Flushable toilet paper? Come on. I think just the word septic safe should be the only line of text on this package. After I noticed this packages features i started to look at all the other packages of toilet paper. I had a hunch and I was correct. Only one pack of toilet paper had “flushable” noted on the front. Can you imagine if it wasn’t flushable…what would you do? Septic safe is and important feature to watch out for. At my work once a customer used about three sheets of regular old paper towels to whip his ass. I had septic safe toilet paper in there but I guess that wasn’t the way he rolls. The toilet was clogged for days.

Better Name That Baby Megatron Now

Well, that’s just silly. Poor kid isn’t going to have a fun life. However I do hope that we get to see a birth certificate. This guys sister must be floored right about now. Does she not understand the true power of the internet? I predict that we see more sillyness like this. What’s next? Fans for silly tattoos? Oh maybe someone will paint their house an awful color for 1 million fans.

Drinking & Driving

This post is about drinking and driving so I decided to call it drinking and driving. I believe the quote from the driver was “I was blacked out wasted”. First off, he’s ok. As far as his Volkswagen…meh it’s seen better days. Word on the street is that the car clearly needs a new wheel and perhaps a transmission. He drove over 25 miles on this “wheel” before pulling over and replacing it with the spare. Keep in mind he was still drunk while changing the tire then hopped back in to drive further.

I wish I could have seen the facing of the people he pasted on the road. On second though I don’t think I would want to be anywhere near a car  leaning on one side with sparks shooting out of the wheel well. There’s a lot of wheel missing here. I got a flat once, as soon as it happened the car kinda jumped and was pulling to on side. So that happened here and he kept going and going. I can just imagine the noises that this car was making.

Let break down the noises he didn’t hear:

• The tire popping
• Riding on the flat
• The tire flapping and ripping off
• The rim grinding away
• The transmission trying to spin a flatted wheel and failing
• People yelling at him as they passed by

Random Question!